At The Blue Bench, we believe that healing is not only possible but also deeply transformative. For survivors and their loved ones, finding a path forward can feel overwhelming, yet it is in these moments of vulnerability that incredible strength can emerge.
Michelle’s journey with The Blue Bench is a powerful testament to the life-changing impact of compassion and community.
Workshops like Someone I Love are made possible because of donations from people like you. In honor of Colorado Gives Day, your gift becomes part of something greater—a community built on resilience, advocacy, and unwavering support for survivors and their families.
Together, we can help more individuals find the healing they deserve.
Donate today to be a source of hope and healing.
A Letter From a Survivor:
This story is a part of my life, which I would like to share with all survivors—with you.
I originally came to The Blue Bench looking for ways to support my youngest daughter, who was a victim of sexual assault. She had been struggling with depression for more than seven years because of the traumatic experience. All my resources were exhausted.
The workshop I attended was “Someone I Love Was Sexually Assaulted.”
This workshop changed my life.
I started to understand so many things that I did not know about this awful experience for her. I understood her real feelings and emotions, both in the past and in the present, but the most important thing I learned was about the way she reacted to the trauma: “Why didn’t I run? Why didn’t I scream? Why did I let this happen to me?” I learned about how she judged herself and felt the fear of everyone else’s judgment.
I understood that there is no right or wrong way to react to this assault. She just tried to survive, like we all do. Her body and her mind reacted the best they could at that time. At this point, all the judgments about the trauma fell in front of my eyes, and I felt the veil vanish. It never was her fault, as she thought.
At the same moment, memories of my childhood came back—memories I wanted to forget forever because they were so hurtful for me. I, too, was a victim of sexual abuse as a child.
Like my daughter, I blamed myself. I hated myself because I thought I let this happen to me, and I let it happen to my precious daughter. The worst part was that I never told or talked to anyone about my trauma because, even as a little kid, I was already blaming myself. I judged myself and felt like everyone, including my parents, would judge me. The perpetrator told me it was my fault, and I believed him for the rest of my life—until I went to the workshop.
I realized that I never committed any crime or mistake. It never was my fault, and if I did not react the way I thought I was supposed to, it was because my body and my mind tried to help me survive. They tried to save my life, and I froze.
It always was the perpetrator’s fault. All the pain, all the tears, all the resentments, all the blaming against myself began vanishing in front of my eyes, and I felt my soul coming back to me.
I never had the time to process any of the traumas. I was on autopilot all my life, thinking that was the best way to cope with it. At the same time, I did not want this bad experience to define me as a person. I started to achieve many things, many goals in my life, thinking I was okay, but I never was. I was always depressed, and everything got worse when the same thing happened to my daughter. I asked myself, “Why? Why?” like any other parent would ask themselves.
After the workshop, I started to regain my strength.
I allowed my daughter and myself to feel the anger, the resentment, the bad feelings—but this time, toward the perpetrator and not toward her or myself. Those feelings are normal and were okay because, for many years, I never allowed myself to blame the perpetrator. I tried to forgive, but how could I forgive others if I could not first forgive myself?
It felt good, I can tell you! At the same time, I started to feel better because all the voices I heard inside my head telling me that everything was my fault began shifting to telling me to love myself and reminding me that it was not my fault. That was the key: to love myself instead of hating myself.
The old me—the one who suffered, the one who was the victim, the one who was at fault, the one who cried so much, like my daughter did and like any other survivor has—started to transform into a beautiful, free butterfly, a free soul. I allowed myself to feel the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful, but I chose to keep only the good and the beautiful. I started to find myself again: the little girl who once was very happy and safe. It was hard, but I tried and tried, and shifted my thoughts to my new reality because this new reality made me feel much better than the old one. My strength came from changing my bad thoughts and judgments against myself into loving, caring, respecting, and accepting the new me with my scars.
I started analyzing all the aspects of my life. I know that trauma changed my life and changed me so much that I forgot who I was. I even thought it wasn’t me who lived through that—I preferred to think it was someone else. I rejected myself; my feelings were ice cold, and at the same time burned hot. But all of that was normal, and that became my new normal.
I learned to recognize all of that and allowed myself to feel it, and later, I learned to forgive myself: first for what happened to me as a child, and second for what happened to my daughter.
No one deserves that—not my daughter, not me, not you all—and this is the truth.
I am a person. I am a human. I am a woman who deserves to be happy, who deserves the best, just like everyone else who has survived sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse. I do not want to let myself down anymore, or let my daughter down, or let any other survivor down. I learned to pick up my pieces to remake myself with those beautiful scars that made my new self stronger.
My new inner truth and my new thoughts made me realize that I have to build my own happiness, that I am in charge of that and no one else, because I am strong. It never was my fault from the beginning, and that set me free. It freed my soul, my spirit.
Now I am fighting and will continue to fight to stay strong and to give strength to my daughter and anyone who needs it. I am not afraid anymore, and I can walk in this world feeling alive, free, and myself again.
Now I love every single moment of my life.
I love my new body, I love my new feelings, I love my new self for who I am—with all the beautiful scars that made me who I am now, a better person. I know love can overcome everything—the love for ourselves and for all the people who love and care for us.
Sincerely,
A survivor
