Understanding my Experience

While there is the FBI definition of rape, and the Colorado Statutes that define “unlawful sexual behavior” when referring to the term “sexual assault” the following information generally refers to The Blue Bench’s definitions.

If a sexual act in NOT consensual, it is considered sexual assault. There are three main considerations in determining whether or not a sexual act is consensual (which means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact).

• Are the participants old enough to consent? Each state sets an “age of consent,” which is the minimum age someone must be to have sex. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says yes, the law says no.
• Do both people have the capacity to consent? States also define who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. Those with diminished capacity — for example, some people with disabilities, some elderly people and people who are too drunk, have been drugged or are unconscious — may not have the legal ability to agree to have sex.
• Did both participants agree to take part? Did someone use “force” (direct force, a threat of force, coercion, or somehow take advantage of you) to make you have sexual contact with him/her? In order for sexual contact to be consensual, BOTH parties must provide explicit consent “with free will and with knowledge of the nature of the act.” This is true regardless of previous or current relationships or activities. If mutual consent in NOT provided, it is considered sexual assault.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

At The Blue Bench, we define sexual assault as “any unwanted sexual action, whether physical or emotional, that is perceived as a violation of one’s own wishes or desires”.  Whether it was a friend, family member, significant other, teacher, coworker, neighbor, etc., your experience matters. If you feel uncomfortable about any type of behavior, from any person, we are here to support you.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

You are not alone. Did you know nearly ¾  of assaults are by someone the victim knows?

Significant Other: Sexual assault can occur when the offender and the victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called “date rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is the victim’s spouse. A pre-existing relationship, or a relationship in the past, does not equal consent. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with this person in the past: if it is nonconsensual this time, it is sexual assault.

Family Member: If you experienced sexual assault as a child, we understand how challenging it can be to process these memories, to talk about them and to trust others. The effects of sexual abuse can occur many years after the abuse has ended and can include self-blame, low self-esteem and more. There is no right or wrong time to reach out for help. Our therapists are skilled in meeting adult survivors of sexual assault where they are and helping them to process this difficult trauma and work towards healing.

Friend/Coworker/Other: Sexual assault by a friend, acquaintance, coworker, etc. can be confusing and frustrating. Often times a survivor will put blame on themselves and feel unsure about how to identify the experience. Regardless of how well you know the person who assaulted you, if you feel uncomfortable about any type of sexual contact and did not provide your consent, the experience was sexual assault.

For information about services, you can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist. If you have additional questions about your experience, you can also call our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

In Colorado, 1 in 17 men will experience an attempted or completed sexual assault in their lifetime. You are not alone. It is normal for survivors to question their experience, perhaps more so for male identified survivors who are often told by society that men "cannot be sexually assaulted." Your experience matters and male survivors of assault are just as worthy of help and healing.  At The Blue Bench, we believe you and are here to help you define your experience on your own terms.

You can contact The Blue Bench at our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Not ready to talk to someone? Click HERE for a great FAQ resource for male survivors of sexual assault.

People respond to an assault in different ways. Just because you didn’t resist physically doesn’t mean it wasn’t sexual assault — in fact, many victims make the good judgment and/or have the instinct to determine that physical resistance would cause more harm. Everyone responds differently to being assaulted, and you did exactly what you needed to in that moment to survive.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Just because someone didn't use physical force doesn't mean it wasn't sexual assault. People use all sorts of different ways to take advantage of others. In order for sexual acts to be consensual you must be “wiling” and “able” to consent. If someone overpowers you in any way, then you are unable to consent. If you were coerced, intimidated, threatened, manipulated, tricked, or otherwise persuaded to do any sexual act against your will, it is considered sexual assault.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Just because you don’t remember being assaulted doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t happen and that it wasn’t sexual assault. Memory loss can result from the ingestion of GHB and other “rape drugs” and from excessive alcohol consumption.  Additionally, our mind has ways of “protecting” us from traumatic experiences, which may also result in lack of or gaps in memory.   So not having a memory, does not mean it did not happen. Trust your instincts!

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse or an alibi. The key question is still: did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex is nonconsensual, it is sexual assault.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Sexual assault can happen when the victim was unconscious or asleep. If you were asleep or unconscious, then you didn’t give consent. And if you didn’t give consent, then it is sexual assault.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Consent is not the absence of “no” it is the presence of “yes.” So if you did not give explicit consent then it is not consensual, and therefore is sexual assault

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Regardless of when your assault occurred, your experience matters and it was not your fault. Sometimes it can take years to process a traumatic event or to be ready to take steps towards healing. There’s no right or wrong time to ask for help or right or wrong place to start. The Blue Bench is here to meet you where you are in your process, to help you navigate through your questions and to help you choose a path towards healing that’s right for you.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

The Blue Bench is here to help.  We know that individuals CAN and DO heal from sexual assault. At The Blue Bench we offer a variety of different support services to help you, and your loved ones through this process. 

From the earliest moments after sexual assault, through medical and legal logistics, to counseling for long-term emotional and functional health, The Blue Bench provides support every step of the way. Our Continuum of Care, led by our professional Care Team, allows victims, their families and friends to come to us and be heard, believed and supported, regardless of when the sexual assault occurred. We help navigate the system, accompany and support survivors throughout the process.

You can contact The Blue Bench at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.

Sexual assault crosses all barriers, including age, race, religion, sexual orientation, economic status, and geographic location. While every survivor of sexual assault is unique, there are many common responses and effects to being assaulted. Not every survivor will experience all of these effects and may demonstrate responses to these effects in a variety of ways. Some survivors may initially respond in an “expressive” manner, which can include sobbing, shaking, hyperventilating, and displaying strong or intense emotional responses; while other survivors may respond in a “controlled” manner, which can include detachment, numbing, and very little expression of emotions.

Initial effects

• Shock, disbelief, disorganized thinking, difficulty remembering all parts of the assault
• Crying, emotional numbness, moods or emotions shift quickly
• Physical soreness, nausea, stomach or pelvic pain, loss of appetite, shaking, headaches
• Fear, hyper vigilance/alertness, easily startled,  jumpiness, restlessness
• Anxiety, anger, irritability, depression
• Shame, self-blame, guilt
• Difficulty sleeping, eating, concentrating, and performing normal tasks
• Nightmares, flashbacks, preoccupation with thoughts and feelings about the assault
• Attempting to avoid people, places and activities that trigger memories of the assault
• Integration/ Acceptance – Begins to accept what happened and make it a piece of her/ his life story. Learns to feel more in control again and decreases need to control environment. May begin to take action (political, prevention, personal)

If you are interested in learning about ways The Blue Bench can help you heal, contact us at 303-329-9922 ext. 302 to talk to our Intake Therapist or our 24-hour Sexual Assault Hotline at 303-322-7273 (English) or Linea De Crisis at 303-329-0031 (Spanish), or toll-free at 888-394-8044 for free, confidential help, day or night. We use RELAY Colorado for those deaf and hard of hearing.