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Sexual Assault Crisis Hotline/ Línea de Crisis Sobre La Violencia Sexual: 303-322-7273

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Active Bystandership and Other Resources

Active bystandership aims to stop sexual violence before it starts. Typically, someone not directly involved steps in to change the outcome of a risky situation. We like to remind community members that the only person responsible for a sexual assault is the perpetrator. But we all have the ability to look out for each other’s safety.

Healing is possible. You are not alone.

The Blue Bench is here as a community resource to help survivors of sexual assault and abuse on their path to healing.

We provide a 24/7 Sexual Assault Hotline/Linea en Español para ayuda sobre el abuse sexual at 303-322-7273 for free, confidential help. 

We also provide an online chat (English and Spanish) in partnership with RAINN and use RELAY Colorado for those who are deaf and hard of hearing. Survivors have the option to be connected to The Blue Bench Hospital Advocates to help navigate medical options by calling our hotline.

What can I do to prevent sexual violence?

To prevent sexual assault at a bar or a party, practice active bystandership by stepping in when you see someone who may be uncomfortable, intoxicated, or pressured. You can politely check in or distract to de-escalate the situation. 

If you see someone isolating another person, intervene by joining the conversation or offering the person an out. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, act rather than assume someone else will. 

Check out the 5 D's of Active Bystandership below.

Change also comes in the form of speaking out against harmful jokes or language that normalize assault, as these attitudes enable violence. Support your friends by discussing consent and healthy relationships, reinforcing that everyone deserves respect. Review the Wheel of Consent to know how and when consent can and cannot be given. 

Creating a culture of safety means collectively prioritizing respect, calling out harmful behavior, and sharing knowledge and resources.

How do I support someone after a sexual assault?

Often, a survivor of sexual assault will only reach out once for help. If someone discloses a sexual assault to you, believe them without judgment. Your support can make a profound difference.

Sometimes support means providing resources, helping the survivor seek medical attention, or discussing reporting options. Be sure to let your loved one make the decisions about who to talk to, what services to access, and what actions to take next. You may disagree with some decisions, but the important step is to listen and not judge. Help them understand their experience, but your loved one is the one who decides how to proceed. 

The Blue Bench provides resources and information for survivors and their loved ones to help guide them through any point of their healing journey. You can find helpful phrases and links to our resources below.

Understanding Consent

Boundaries are essential and entirely appropriate steps in any relationship. Trust and safety in the context of a sexual relationship are crucial. Consent exists between the participating parties involved because of their voluntary, enthusiastic agreement.

Consent is not possible when:
  • Force, pressure, and/or coercion are present 
  • A person is incapacitated by drugs and/or alcohol. 
  • A person is unconscious, asleep, or physically helpless and unable to communicate unwillingness to act. 
  • A person has an intellectual or developmental disability that renders them unable to judge the nature of the other person’s conduct 
  • Outside the ages of legal consent.

The 5'Ds of Active Bystandership

The 5Ds are different methods – Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct – that you can use to support someone who’s being harassed. These actions allow you to emphasize that harassment is not okay and demonstrate to people in your life that they have the power to make their community safer.

  • Distract: Divert attention away from the person being harassed.
  • Delegate: Get someone else who can intervene.
  • Document: Capture evidence and share with the survivor or relevant investigators.
  • Delay: Offer support to the person being harassed after the incident, discuss potential next steps, and empower them to take further action if they want to.
  • Direct: Intervening and acknowledging that there is (or may be) a problem.

How to Support a Survivor

By believing survivors and empowering them with choices, we are giving them back power and control; therefore, they are more likely to seek informal and/or formal systems of support.

Here are three helpful phrases to use to support a survivor:

"I believe you," so they know they are not doubted, their experience is valid, and they feel safe. It will combat the guilt and shame that comes from living in a society that often blames and doubts victims of sexual violence.

Tell them “It’s not your fault” to help them let go of self-blame and remind them the responsibility is only on the perpetrator.

Ask “How can I help” to empower them, while maintaining their autonomy and  reassuring them you will be there for them."

“As the public starts to understand the dynamic of drug facilitated sexual assault, and put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrators, my hope is victims will realize it isn’t their fault, not feel shame and guilt, and not be afraid to reach out.”

- Michelle Metz, Forensic Nurse Program Manager at Denver Health

Facts about Sexual Assault

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